Raccoons - especially urban raccoons - are not cute.
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Raccoons are aggressive little monsters who will break into your house and eat your toothpaste if you leave a window open.
One morning, there was a single muddy raccoon pawprint on the glass of my parents' backdoor. It was like the cover of a B Horror movie:
In the movie, I'm pretty sure that they'd use mechanical raccoon puppets to terrorize an innocent family who just moved into a new house. Probably in the first scene, a little girl would squeal and point at a cute raccoon with shiny eyes, and ask if she could keep it as a pet. Her mom would laugh and shoo it away. But it would come back. I'm pretty sure that the little girl would survive until the end of the movie, so don't worry too much. The family dog, unfortunately, wouldn't stand a chance. I think I'd probably cry when he died.
I'm also not a huge fan of urban squirrels, skunks or gophers.
![]()
Raccoons are aggressive little monsters who will break into your house and eat your toothpaste if you leave a window open.
One morning, there was a single muddy raccoon pawprint on the glass of my parents' backdoor. It was like the cover of a B Horror movie:
Raccoons!! They come out at night!!
In the movie, I'm pretty sure that they'd use mechanical raccoon puppets to terrorize an innocent family who just moved into a new house. Probably in the first scene, a little girl would squeal and point at a cute raccoon with shiny eyes, and ask if she could keep it as a pet. Her mom would laugh and shoo it away. But it would come back. I'm pretty sure that the little girl would survive until the end of the movie, so don't worry too much. The family dog, unfortunately, wouldn't stand a chance. I think I'd probably cry when he died.
I'm also not a huge fan of urban squirrels, skunks or gophers.
